[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.3s] The books aren't affecting me whatsoever anymore, and I've achieved measure.
[36.9s] As his hands move up, and it's almost like he's trying to count, but he has mitten hands, so.
[42.5s] Like it's counting, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0, 1, 1, and then, uh, he pops out of existence.
[53.1s] Yeah, okay. Seth, Keth, it's time to go. Meesex has gone.
[57.9s] All right, Grandpa Big Dog, do we gotta clean up anything here?
[61.0s] No, these people won't understand what just happened.
[63.9s] Where, where did he go?
[65.9s] Back, back home.
[68.4s] Back home.
[69.2s] Are you guys going to go back home now?
[71.1s] Yep.
[71.9s] I think your key strength saved the day.
[74.9s] It does more times than you can imagine.
[77.7s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your
[102.1s] dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Tom Laird.
[105.2s] Hey, that's me, I play Moot.
[107.9s] And Karla Maxted.
[110.4s] That is me, I play Glim.
[112.8s] And Amy More.
[114.9s] That's one of the names I go by and I play Sullivan Sleight.
[118.2s] What other names do you go by, Amy?
[121.1s] Wouldn't you like to know, Tom?
[123.4s] My immediate thing I wanted to say was Princess Peach.
[127.0s] Oh, okay.
[129.1s] That's like immediately what popped into my head, which I have never called you,
[132.8s] but I like it.
[134.0s] I consider myself more of a Rosalina, but I do like the sentiment in there.
[139.9s] Yeah, that's nice.
[142.0s] Where we go by different names is over on Patreon, because we play different games
[146.1s] over there, different names, different games, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and when
[150.5s] you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[152.8s] Like today's patron, Brad from Fate of Eason podcast.
[157.9s] Thank you, Brad.
[158.9s] Thanks, Brad.
[159.9s] The Fate of Eason podcast is very good, you should go check them out too.
[164.0s] And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
[176.5s] We pick up with Mook, Glim and Sully.
[180.0s] You tell me how long after, but you're at not a library.
[185.4s] I think we leave immediately.
[187.9s] I think so too.
[188.9s] I think Glim tries to say what the situation was and we're like,
[193.4s] and she's like, it doesn't matter.
[196.6s] Oh, from the previous scene?
[198.6s] Oh, no, you're at not a library.
[202.2s] Yeah, you said, tell me how long you...
[206.2s] I mean, is it days later?
[207.8s] Yeah, how long?
[209.2s] Where do we want to pick this scene up?
[211.4s] We did not get paid for all of our hard work.
[213.3s] Yeah, he just vanished before he paid us.
[215.5s] Dang, mofo.
[218.3s] And everything from the house was probably gone.
[220.0s] It was probably just books, so we can't even, like, loot something.
[224.5s] We try to resell them back to not a library and they're like, read the name.
[228.8s] We're not a library.
[230.6s] So the money we have is whatever we had left from whatever you guys earned.
[237.1s] So I don't know how long that gets us.
[240.2s] I did not get a lot of money for listing a hundred different dirty jobs.
[246.2s] I think I got 50 gold, so we're probably doing OK for the time being.
[251.0s] I don't know, those potatoes were very expensive.
[253.9s] You're sitting around a table and Mon comes over and he's like,
[259.4s] uh, so how's, uh, I don't remember his voice, but how's the job on going?
[264.4s] Well, frankly, I mean, I don't think we're settling down here very much.
[269.8s] Oh, right, shouldn't we, should we find a caravan and get out of here?
[275.1s] Well, we have to keep going east, right, Glim?
[278.3s] Yeah, we've got to keep going.
[279.5s] I mean, if you guys are ready to keep heading towards our destiny, then.
[284.3s] Yeah, I'm not too, I'm not too keen on sticking around doing really fucking weird odd jobs.
[289.9s] Also, and no offense, Mon, because the potatoes were delicious.
[294.2s] Sorry, the potatoes were delicious, but, um, the price point here is quite expensive.
[303.3s] So we just can't afford to really like stick around here very long.
[307.8s] It's more of a luxury accommodation.
[310.2s] I was actually going to bring that up.
[311.9s] Um, I talked to some people, did some market research, realized my price point,
[320.3s] priced us out of most people's budgets.
[323.5s] Uh, I mean, you three had to take up.
[327.0s] Almost killed a man.
[329.4s] Sure, I had to poison him.
[330.8s] He wanted me to, but I had to do it.
[333.3s] It was still an extreme circumstance to pay for some potatoes.
[337.8s] Oh, okay.
[340.6s] Point made.
[341.8s] And he reaches into his pocket and he pulls out and he's counting out.
[346.2s] So here's, here's back six gold.
[350.2s] I've covered your, uh, your, your expenses over at definitely an inn
[357.3s] and also anything you've eaten here, uh, for the remainder and realized
[362.9s] and made appropriate adjustments on these new menus that we've, uh, put in.
[367.0s] See, look here, magic missile potatoes.
[369.5s] We've changed the name even.
[371.1s] Oh, you went with it.
[373.4s] Thank you.
[374.2s] Thank you.
[374.7s] Yes.
[375.1s] Uh, it changed the price point here.
[377.0s] See, just a, just a couple of coppers, uh, not seven gold for all of the things
[383.1s] more reasonably priced.
[385.9s] I think.
[386.5s] Well, I understand, you know, everyone's getting back up on the feet over here
[390.0s] and that includes you, but people's got to eat.
[393.8s] You know, I don't know if you caught this, but I'm, I'm new in this business.
[397.8s] I mean, ferret, he's been in, he's been cooking a long time
[400.2s] and didn't really second guess what I was putting on the menu,
[402.9s] but a little guidance is sometimes necessary for, uh, for business folks such as myself.
[409.1s] And I think I've got it, uh, being that I was, uh,
[413.2s] so aggressively approached after I gave somebody a bill
[417.2s] and they said they would burn, burn down, not a library
[420.8s] for the exorbitant prices that I put on their bill.
[424.7s] So that made me the second guess and look and see what, uh,
[428.9s] what, uh, what other restaurants are charging.
[431.9s] And it was far less.
[433.4s] It's like I'd never been to a restaurant or tavern or in before, ever.
[438.6s] Have you?
[439.8s] Wait, were we your first customers?
[442.2s] Um, among them, yes.
[444.3s] That whole first night that you were here was kind of dry run.
[449.4s] Uh, you know, open it up to like a soft launch.
[452.2s] Yeah. Open it up to a few public.
[454.2s] You just happened by, uh, we were going to ask you to leave because it wasn't,
[458.7s] but you know, uh, you, you, you don't turn away good,
[463.4s] a good business and good, uh, good suggestions is,
[467.7s] which is what you brought to the table.
[470.1s] Well, it's very kind of you, Mon, to thank you.
[474.5s] I'm glad to know we can probably have at least one more meal here.
[478.2s] Of course, of course.
[479.1s] We have to go.
[480.5s] We can afford one more, you guys.
[483.9s] Shall I bring another round of magic missile potatoes?
[487.9s] I don't know if I can do any more potatoes.
[489.7s] We made the portion sizes smaller.
[491.8s] Well, no, but one more round.
[494.7s] Maybe we could just do one for the table like last time,
[497.4s] even with the smaller portion.
[499.1s] We'll do coming right up.
[500.6s] And he zips back into the kitchen.
[502.6s] Yeah, guys, I don't think, I think this should be our last night.
[505.2s] We should find a caravan heading east and we should just continue on.
[509.1s] I think so too.
[510.6s] Unless, I mean, seems like it's been,
[513.7s] I was going to say successful, but that is not really accurate.
[517.3s] I mean, Moot, for you, it was.
[519.0s] Yeah, I learned a new thing.
[520.6s] Yes. So that's, that's worth something.
[524.6s] I mean, that wise master Mesix really,
[528.4s] I mean, he really stepped up for me before vanishing unexplosively.
[532.3s] Yeah, I'm glad I'm now twice published, almost kind of one in a menu and the other one.
[542.6s] And hopefully what will become a book that I will get some royalties off of.
[549.1s] Yeah, it's been, you're right.
[550.3s] This place has been, are you sure you two don't want to say
[552.2s] it's been very successful for the two of you?
[554.6s] Published author, extra good magic user.
[558.9s] But I mean, staying here doesn't get us any closer to, you know,
[563.4s] saving the world with you.
[564.8s] We do not get us any closer to saving the world.
[567.9s] I mean, and really, I don't know that El Tirol did much for me personally,
[571.8s] but I am fulfilled that it fulfilled my friend.
[574.0s] So we can stay longer if you want,
[577.1s] or I'd be happy to find a caravan and start heading east.
[580.2s] This is probably the longest time I've ever willfully stayed in a place,
[584.4s] so I think I'm ready to go.
[586.2s] Okay.
[586.8s] Yeah, me too.
[589.1s] Mon comes back with the potatoes and he...
[591.0s] With the what?
[592.0s] With the magic missile potatoes.
[595.4s] I think there should still be an exclamation mark.
[597.4s] You can't forget your roots, right?
[598.7s] Magic missile potatoes!
[600.3s] And he says, okay, so you will enjoy the potatoes,
[604.4s] and then where are you headed next?
[606.6s] Where's the next stop in your journey?
[609.2s] Well, we're gonna head east.
[611.6s] Yeah, east is a very large place.
[613.6s] Do you have like a stopping point?
[616.7s] Well, I mean, an eventual goal, but it's very far away.
[620.6s] So I think, you know, we'll probably,
[623.2s] and I'm looking at my friends,
[624.4s] like find a caravan and see where that takes us
[627.7s] and just keep heading in the right direction
[630.2s] and getting stronger as people and as friends as we keep going.
[635.0s] Yes, good, good.
[636.7s] Are there any good towns to stop on
[638.8s] as we head in our eastward direction?
[642.2s] Oh, fuck, probably.
[644.3s] It says, I mean, I know we've talked about it before,
[648.1s] but where was your end goal?
[649.4s] I mean, I want to send you in the right direction.
[652.2s] Well, we're going to Temanthor.
[655.3s] Right, yes.
[656.0s] I have a destiny to save the world
[658.2s] and my friends here are part of the destiny as well.
[661.1s] I'm sure I've probably mentioned this to you before.
[664.2s] So eventually we're trying to get to the capital, but.
[668.9s] Well, that far east, you could take a couple ways.
[674.6s] You could, well, probably the quickest way
[677.6s] is to cut through the storm horns,
[679.2s] which are a series of mountains,
[681.9s] mountain ranges past the sunset mountains.
[686.2s] The next stop you might want to make
[688.3s] is getting you back on the main tradeway,
[692.2s] which would be Scornuble,
[693.6s] which you could then take the river down
[697.8s] and would catch you back onto the road
[700.7s] that would get you up and through the storm horns,
[703.3s] which would take you on the right side of,
[705.8s] well, the Sea of Fallen Stars.
[707.1s] You caught that?
[708.8s] I mean, I heard Scornuble,
[710.8s] but mostly I just picked up on that
[712.5s] because it is, I think we can all agree,
[715.0s] objectively a hilarious word.
[717.2s] Oh, yes.
[717.9s] Scornuble?
[718.7s] Scornuble.
[719.5s] Yes, it's the next town over.
[721.5s] Very next one to the east.
[723.7s] Do they have like t-shirts that say like,
[725.4s] lost my scruples in Scornuble?
[729.3s] Maybe.
[731.1s] Is that a reference that I should understand?
[734.1s] You know, your scruples, your,
[737.7s] you know, all the bits and pieces in your mind,
[740.8s] makes your right decisions.
[742.4s] Right.
[744.6s] I don't know.
[745.0s] It's okay.
[745.7s] I bet when I say that there,
[747.6s] I think, Sully, I think it's good.
[749.8s] I think it's more of your marketing genius
[751.4s] is really coming out.
[752.5s] Thanks.
[753.5s] I'll market it when I'm over there
[754.8s] to see kind of what people think.
[756.1s] Of course.
[756.6s] Perfect.
[757.0s] Moot just kind of makes the hand
[759.5s] going over the head motion like,
[761.8s] nope.
[764.6s] Well, I bid you adieu and wish you best.
[768.2s] If you're back through here again,
[769.8s] please stop in to Noddle Library
[771.8s] and I will make sure that all the potatoes
[774.8s] that we have that day,
[776.4s] excuse me,
[777.1s] potatoes that we have that day,
[779.7s] are covered for you.
[783.0s] Thanks, Mom.
[783.7s] Thanks, Mara.
[787.3s] So is it, like, midday,
[789.4s] was this our lunch stop
[790.5s] or our nighttime dinner stop?
[792.2s] You tell me.
[795.0s] I say lunch stop.
[795.9s] It could be lunch
[796.6s] and we can hit the road.
[797.9s] All right.
[798.3s] To Scrumople.
[799.3s] Yep.
[800.9s] Scrumopoly.
[802.8s] You head out into the streets.
[804.2s] What's your game plan here?
[805.8s] What are you looking for?
[806.6s] What are you doing?
[807.2s] Well, let's go back to that message board
[809.1s] because I bet they're, like,
[812.5s] caravan leaving.
[814.0s] Need guards.
[814.6s] Seems like a reasonable place to start.
[817.4s] I'm sure we'll find something there.
[819.8s] Yeah.
[820.0s] You walk through the streets of El Toro
[822.2s] and during the day now,
[825.0s] you've previously primarily been out
[827.3s] in the evening.
[828.2s] I don't know how many days
[829.2s] you've been there entirely,
[830.7s] but it's quite busy.
[833.4s] People are about doing business.
[836.0s] You walk through
[837.4s] towards where the job board was
[839.4s] and you look and you see
[840.6s] a large statue that you didn't see,
[843.8s] not because it wasn't there,
[844.7s] but because you weren't
[845.5s] quite paying attention.
[846.4s] But you see a large statue
[847.8s] of a dwarven figure
[850.5s] in the center of this open area,
[853.4s] this open market area.
[857.8s] Is there a placard
[858.8s] with information on it?
[860.2s] I was just wondering.
[861.6s] For those interested,
[862.6s] you walk over to the placard
[864.0s] and it says on it,
[865.4s] Flint Firebeard died here
[870.1s] and then arrived here.
[877.0s] X marks the spot, y'all.
[878.7s] I had like a little panic attack.
[880.5s] Yeah, me too.
[880.9s] Like what?
[881.3s] Oh my God.
[882.1s] What, Russ?
[883.0s] What a terrible Easter egg.
[884.4s] Oh, never mind.
[885.0s] He did die here and then rise here.
[887.5s] Was that...
[888.8s] That was around the table.
[890.2s] That was table.
[890.9s] That was tabletop.
[893.0s] So many years ago,
[895.1s] we were just young, innocent D&D players,
[898.1s] not knowing we had so many years ahead of us.
[901.4s] To finish that campaign.
[904.0s] I forget who Flint was fighting,
[906.4s] but yeah, it was like a one-on-one duel
[907.9s] and he got a mowed down real fast.
[909.9s] Yeah.
[910.9s] We were like, oh wow,
[911.9s] this is our second time playing
[914.8s] and one of us has died already.
[918.0s] That's how it was supposed to work out.
[920.6s] Look at where you are now.
[922.2s] Look at us now.
[923.4s] It goes on to describe the fact that he
[926.8s] and his cohorts drove off a dragon
[930.5s] who was attacking Yalturo
[932.6s] and took on one of the heads of the Cult of the Dragon
[937.3s] and perished at the blade of that head
[940.7s] to be brought back by the town's clerics, thankfully,
[944.9s] and go on and be pivotal in saving Faerun.
[950.0s] It seems like a pretty important guy.
[954.6s] I wonder if he knew he had a destiny to save the world.
[958.9s] Do you think this statue is to scale?
[961.9s] Huh.
[962.4s] And I kind of stand back and look at it
[964.2s] and I assume it's very large.
[965.5s] It's large, yes.
[967.7s] Well, I mean, he's bigger than any dwarf I've ever seen,
[972.6s] but I haven't met the man.
[976.7s] Maybe he's a giant dwarf?
[978.6s] Oh, I like the sound of that.
[980.7s] You make it to the job board
[982.5s] and you peruse through
[985.2s] and you see there are a couple caravans heading out.
[991.4s] They don't say exactly where,
[993.9s] but they say to meet town center on this day.
[1001.4s] Right now at this time?
[1003.0s] Right now near this time.
[1005.0s] Oh, wow.
[1006.6s] How fortuitous.
[1008.0s] You head to town center
[1009.2s] and you see that there are several caravans,
[1012.5s] one with a female human
[1017.6s] who appears to be calling orders
[1019.6s] at the others who are working for her or with her,
[1025.2s] and another where a very regal man is seated high
[1030.2s] on top of a caravan wagon
[1034.4s] and just kind of pointing down silently
[1037.6s] to the people loading up his wagon.
[1042.2s] Okay, I say we find out where they're going
[1045.1s] before we make any decisions,
[1046.6s] but right away I don't want to go with snooty mixed snooty pants.
[1050.0s] I'd rather go with the loud woman.
[1053.0s] You know, I was thinking the exact same thing,
[1055.0s] but you're right.
[1055.7s] You make a very good point.
[1056.8s] We should find out where they're going
[1059.9s] before we decide.
[1061.6s] Should we split up to go talk to them
[1063.5s] or let's just go together?
[1066.9s] Let's just all go together.
[1067.8s] Sure.
[1067.9s] What do you think?
[1068.4s] Sure, let's just, yeah.
[1069.8s] You want to start with the worst one?
[1071.4s] I mean, do you want to start with the fancy man?
[1074.2s] Sure, let's start with Mr. Fancy Pants.
[1076.5s] Okay.
[1077.3s] You walk over
[1078.2s] and he doesn't really pay much attention to you
[1080.0s] as you walk up to the caravan.
[1083.3s] I disagree.
[1083.9s] I have a noble background
[1085.0s] and noble people recognize that I am one of their own
[1087.4s] and they speak to me very respectfully, actually.
[1091.0s] No one said he was noble.
[1093.0s] Oh, he's just fancy.
[1094.2s] He's just Fancy Pants.
[1095.8s] Oh, I'm dislike him even more now.
[1099.5s] Excuse me?
[1101.5s] Where are you and your caravan going?
[1103.8s] He looks down his nose to you and says,
[1105.8s] who wants to know?
[1109.5s] The name's Moot.
[1113.4s] What's your name?
[1115.8s] Victor.
[1117.7s] All right, Vic.
[1118.4s] So where are you guys going?
[1120.5s] Well, we are headed out towards
[1124.3s] Burdusk.
[1126.2s] Oh, I don't know where that one is.
[1128.6s] Is that east or north or south?
[1131.4s] Well, we must travel east through Skornubel
[1134.1s] and then travel south towards the Burdusk,
[1138.2s] transfer to a ship of sorts
[1142.4s] and travel down the river.
[1144.7s] Yeah, what's your haul in here?
[1148.1s] I'm in the textile business.
[1152.1s] Like linens?
[1153.5s] Fabrics, linens, clothing.
[1155.3s] Damn, son, you're a linenary.
[1159.1s] Not specifically a linenary.
[1163.6s] Oh, are we talking all the way up?
[1167.4s] Lineology?
[1169.5s] The chemicals and mechanics of the creation of the linens?
[1173.6s] Is there something obscure with your friend, Moot?
[1178.0s] Uh, no, that's pretty standard.
[1181.5s] All right.
[1182.4s] You're looking to hire some folks
[1183.9s] we saw on the bulletin board.
[1185.8s] Right, yes.
[1187.9s] Of course, I am looking to hire somebody.
[1191.3s] What is your experience on the road?
[1194.6s] Oh, well, we've been part of several caravans.
[1200.6s] Each one of those caravans got to their destination.
[1204.0s] So that must say something.
[1205.0s] In one piece, at one point I even befriended an elemental.
[1210.6s] You befriended an elemental
[1212.8s] whilst on didn't strike it down to protect your caravan?
[1217.6s] No, man, I juggled and then waved at it and it ran off.
[1221.5s] It sounds like you perhaps are not
[1224.8s] the people that I am looking for,
[1226.5s] but name your price and we shall see.
[1231.2s] Okay, well, maybe.
[1232.5s] Maybe you're not the caravan we're looking for.
[1235.0s] I storm away.
[1236.7s] We were going to go check in with this other caravan first,
[1239.2s] but we'll come back and we'll let you know.
[1241.8s] Joy of joys.
[1243.8s] Maybe.
[1244.6s] Guys, I don't think we're going to let him know.
[1246.5s] Guys, he was even worse than I thought he was going to be.
[1249.4s] God, if this girl's going west, I'm going to be so sad.
[1253.0s] Me too.
[1254.2s] We go over to the rad shouting human woman.
[1258.2s] Yeah.
[1259.2s] As you walk up, she's saying,
[1260.8s] yeah, yeah, Arlo, just put that up over there
[1263.4s] and then we'll get going here as quick as possible.
[1266.0s] Maybe some other people will join us.
[1268.1s] She turns around and you three are standing right behind us.
[1270.5s] Whoa.
[1271.8s] Where'd you come from?
[1273.5s] Oh, just just over there.
[1275.2s] We were talking to that other guy.
[1276.6s] Oh, we didn't like him much.
[1277.8s] Yeah, Victor's kind of a tool.
[1279.4s] Yeah, he's a little bit of a tool.
[1280.9s] Yeah.
[1281.4s] Hey, what direction you going in?
[1283.0s] Well, we're going at least to Skornubel.
[1285.7s] And we'll see where we get jobs from there.
[1288.9s] Well, I'm like, whatever you need.
[1291.7s] I think I think I can say for our friends here
[1293.9s] that we're here for you now.
[1295.5s] OK, now look, usually there's like an interview process.
[1298.8s] I got to get names.
[1300.0s] I got to get backgrounds.
[1301.4s] I got to call references.
[1303.0s] Sully.
[1303.5s] Do you know Hillop?
[1304.4s] Moot.
[1305.0s] Glim.
[1305.5s] That dude's a tool.
[1308.0s] You know Hillop.
[1309.8s] Well, we guarded his caravan.
[1312.1s] Oh.
[1312.6s] And we managed not to kill him.
[1315.5s] Yeah.
[1316.0s] That is a.
[1317.0s] I did shoot him in the arm.
[1319.0s] Sully shot him.
[1319.8s] I did.
[1320.2s] Is that something that we're going to have to worry about?
[1322.2s] Is you shooting?
[1323.1s] I don't know.
[1323.8s] Are you halfway as inept or as as hilloppy as Hillop is?
[1328.6s] No.
[1329.4s] Oh, then I think we're fine.
[1330.8s] I think if you know Hillop, you know he probably had it coming.
[1334.7s] I am aware of Hillop.
[1337.6s] He's teaching Zumba now.
[1343.5s] OK.
[1348.1s] Great conversation.
[1350.4s] So what are you what are you moving?
[1353.8s] Well, we've got some spices and building materials to take over there.
[1359.0s] A few casks and chests that are being requested to be transported by various
[1364.2s] by a couple different businesses.
[1367.3s] Nothing really out of the ordinary caravan stuff.
[1369.4s] Yeah, just general.
[1371.4s] Yeah, spices and ices.
[1373.1s] I say yeah, just looking for a few extra hands.
[1376.9s] You know, once we get to Scornuble, see where it goes from there.
[1380.8s] And what are your day rates?
[1383.7s] Well, you tell me what you
[1388.2s] what you usually charge and we'll see where we can go from there.
[1392.9s] Do we like huddle?
[1394.1s] Yeah, would 10 gold each per day be overshooting the mark?
[1398.5s] I have no idea.
[1400.6s] Oh no, because remember to go with with circumference.
[1406.6s] It was going to we agreed to 250.
[1409.1s] We thought that was swell for like the trip.
[1413.1s] So how far away is Scornuble?
[1416.2s] Hold on.
[1416.8s] I want to get my currency better than I have been doing.
[1422.6s] The press has been very commerce driven these last couple episodes.
[1425.4s] I'm not really sure.
[1425.9s] I know it's freaking me out man.
[1427.4s] It's been muttering about the proletariat a lot.
[1430.3s] Something about taxes and inflation of gold.
[1435.7s] Something about that.
[1436.8s] Yeah, that was weird.
[1438.3s] Well, it's only about a five day journey.
[1441.4s] I could probably pay, you know, somewhere in the vicinity of a couple gold a day per guard.
[1453.0s] How about this?
[1454.4s] Couple gold a day for each of us, unless we have danger or fighting.
[1460.6s] In which case, it's more.
[1464.2s] Okay.
[1465.3s] How calm?
[1466.9s] Peaceful trip to gold each day.
[1469.1s] Perfect.
[1471.0s] Provide you food as well.
[1473.1s] For every for every person, we have to slay in battle an extra gold.
[1480.2s] Okay, for every person an extra gold.
[1484.2s] Now, is that an extra gold per person or an extra gold to the person who slays the thing or person?
[1492.2s] I'd be more comfortable if we weren't putting people's lives.
[1496.5s] I did just assign a value to people's lives.
[1500.0s] So that makes me a little bit uncomfortable.
[1502.6s] Fair enough.
[1503.2s] What if there is fighting?
[1504.6s] It's double the rate.
[1506.2s] Okay.
[1506.8s] Yeah, okay.
[1507.4s] For every day there is some sort of altercation.
[1510.8s] Double the rate.
[1512.0s] Seems fair.
[1513.4s] And what's your name?
[1515.0s] We should probably.
[1516.1s] I know you said you don't have time to check references.
[1519.3s] And somehow we talked about Hillop, but I didn't actually get your name.
[1523.0s] Uh, my name is Estrid.
[1525.7s] Estrid Gold.
[1527.5s] Well, it's nice to meet you.
[1528.7s] I'm Glim.
[1529.8s] Nice to meet you, Glim.
[1531.5s] Moot over here.
[1533.0s] And Sully does a big bow.
[1534.7s] And Sullivan slight.
[1536.4s] Nice to meet you.
[1538.2s] All three of you.
[1539.3s] And welcome to Estrid's Caravan.
[1548.3s] It's the middle.
[1556.6s] Here we are in the middle.
[1558.7s] The middle.
[1559.3s] Welcome back to it.
[1560.9s] How are you doing, everybody?
[1562.2s] We hope you're doing well.
[1564.1s] Things are a little bit totally bonkers in the world right now.
[1568.0s] Totally bonkers.
[1569.2s] I think that is a very good description, Carla.
[1571.4s] Yeah.
[1572.2s] And it's unsettling.
[1575.9s] And I don't know about you guys, but I'm finding a lot of comfort
[1580.5s] in like listening to tons of podcasts and like doing a lot of digital stuff
[1587.5s] and creeping on our Discord so I can like have human interactions.
[1592.5s] Totally.
[1592.9s] Can you imagine what it would be like being kind of quarantined
[1595.8s] back before the internet, before Netflix?
[1600.7s] I'd like us all to just stop for a moment and realize.
[1603.2s] Let's just really think about.
[1604.5s] Pretty bad.
[1605.7s] My VHS copy of Mallrats would have got quite the workout.
[1609.6s] I was thinking even before then, but yes, yeah, way back.
[1613.8s] But we have a lot to be grateful for in this time,
[1619.4s] like all the wonderful people that we can meet on our online socials
[1624.8s] to help create those social connections.
[1627.2s] Absolutely.
[1627.9s] A big thing, a big question that pops up all over the place is,
[1631.3s] will this affect release schedules?
[1634.5s] Will this affect anything like that?
[1636.0s] We want you to know that we as Dumbgeons and Dragons
[1639.7s] will be releasing still every Wednesday.
[1641.9s] We've got episodes banked for the next several weeks
[1645.0s] and continue to release because we record all separately anyways.
[1648.2s] So social distancing and all that sort of stuff,
[1650.8s] not a big deal for getting our show put together and put out.
[1654.4s] So we are here for you to hopefully give you a little bit of respite
[1660.0s] and a little bit of comedy and distraction.
[1664.3s] And a little slice of your normal routine.
[1666.8s] Yeah.
[1667.3s] And if you find that you're having trouble finding people to talk about
[1671.4s] who like kind of the same sort of thing.
[1673.0s] Or people to talk to.
[1674.2s] You don't need to talk about them.
[1675.6s] That's more what I meant.
[1677.0s] Because you're not really that kind of person.
[1679.8s] You're the kind of person that wants to connect, not like.
[1682.8s] I mean, like trash talk or anything.
[1685.0s] That's thanks, guys.
[1685.8s] That's more what I meant.
[1687.4s] Talk two is we have an amazing community over on Discord,
[1693.4s] which it's open to everybody.
[1695.3s] Anybody and everybody.
[1697.0s] We do mention it oftentimes with our Patreon.
[1699.7s] There are some bonus things that come with Patreon.
[1702.1s] But it's open to everybody.
[1704.6s] Everybody who listens.
[1705.6s] There's always a link down in the description
[1707.4s] that you can go click on and come join us over in Discord.
[1711.0s] And there's amazing people who are getting together
[1713.4s] and playing games, meeting each other
[1715.8s] and having just a great time forgetting about the crazy
[1720.0s] for a bit, it seems, whenever they pop in there.
[1722.7s] And sometimes I think that's just what we need is.
[1725.4s] A place to post pictures of your pets and your food.
[1729.6s] Totally, or food that you've baked or cooked.
[1731.5s] Yeah, I do want to say because I feel like
[1733.3s] if we weren't doing this,
[1734.3s] I would have no idea what Discord was.
[1737.2s] So Discord, because I'm an elder millennial.
[1741.8s] Um, it's just like an either an app on your phone
[1745.9s] or on your computer or whatever.
[1747.4s] And it's like just chatting and posting pictures and stuff.
[1750.4s] But it's like a not a closed community.
[1754.0s] Remember the Yahoo chat rooms?
[1756.4s] Exactly.
[1757.0s] It's like a self-selected closed community.
[1759.0s] So it's all just kind of like the best people.
[1763.4s] So if you haven't checked it out and you're stuck at home,
[1766.6s] check it out.
[1767.2s] Like when you pop into a new Discord,
[1769.8s] people say, hey, welcome.
[1771.3s] Yeah, they do.
[1772.2s] We do.
[1772.8s] Yeah, I try and monitor it like every moment.
[1775.7s] And every time I see someone new pop in there,
[1777.4s] I try to make sure that they are welcomed and say,
[1779.8s] you know, what you can check out.
[1781.2s] And everybody else piles on after that
[1784.0s] with just warm inviting hugs and handshakes
[1787.5s] in an emoji fashion, because that's what you got to do.
[1793.0s] But yes, please do.
[1794.6s] If you're feeling like you need someone to talk with
[1797.5s] or to come join us on Discord.
[1799.9s] And just know that we're going to be here releasing episodes
[1803.3s] all through this until everything settles down,
[1806.2s] hopefully sooner than later.
[1807.8s] But you never know.
[1808.6s] So we'll be here for you and give you some laughs.
[1812.7s] So thank you for being here with us.
[1816.7s] And as always, if you are ever feeling super stressed
[1819.7s] out or anxious or anything like that in these crazy times,
[1824.1s] do seek help.
[1825.7s] Do go talk to somebody.
[1827.7s] There are tons of, depending on where you are
[1829.5s] in this big wide world, there are tons of help lines
[1832.6s] that you can call and people you can talk to.
[1834.6s] But the most important part is when you're feeling alone
[1837.5s] and isolated to reach out and to make sure
[1840.2s] that you're taking care of your own mental health first.
[1844.1s] Because we love you and we want you to be happy and healthy.
[1846.6s] All that said, we will link some of those numbers
[1848.9s] down in the bottom for the major countries
[1851.2s] that we know that are listened to
[1853.1s] and ways that you can find those if you need to.
[1857.4s] So again, thank you.
[1858.5s] Enjoy the rest of the episode.
[1859.7s] Thank you. We love you.
[1860.3s] Love you. Stay safe.
[1861.0s] Wash your hands. Cover your cough.
[1863.3s] All that.
[1864.1s] We'll get you back to the episode
[1865.0s] and we'll talk to you this time next week.
[1867.9s] Bye everybody.
[1872.3s] Can we help you load up?
[1873.8s] Please do.
[1875.4s] I start to grab the spices and stuff that are around.
[1879.3s] Moving heavy things.
[1881.0s] I start to sing the hit single in El Churro right now,
[1885.1s] which is Down in the West,
[1888.8s] favorite town of El Churro.
[1891.6s] I fell in love with it.
[1893.9s] Great Marty Robbins pull.
[1895.5s] Churruly and girl.
[1898.6s] I start crab clawing shit all over the place
[1901.6s] into the back of this caravan.
[1903.6s] How many times do you think Moot would,
[1907.7s] during the course of loading up,
[1909.0s] there's a fair amount of things to still load up,
[1911.0s] would start and stop his mage hand.
[1914.6s] Well, let's see here.
[1917.3s] It lasts for one minute.
[1919.4s] So he'd probably do it, I don't know,
[1921.4s] three or four times at least.
[1924.0s] All right.
[1924.8s] We're going to say that.
[1927.4s] We're going to say that it just fires, man.
[1929.8s] Three to four times.
[1932.2s] One of those times is going to be a magic surge.
[1935.0s] So roll me percentile dice, please.
[1937.8s] Oh, key dokey.
[1942.6s] Come on, taller.
[1945.4s] Is there one where it just makes him taller?
[1947.2s] You know the way that spell works,
[1948.3s] you will never be as tall,
[1949.7s] even if you get taller,
[1950.6s] you will never be as tall as you were before.
[1953.4s] What if I got taller twice?
[1958.2s] Could he surpass how tall he was?
[1960.3s] You diminished by seven, right?
[1963.4s] I can't remember.
[1964.1s] I think it was seven.
[1965.2s] But yeah, on odd numbers,
[1967.2s] I think it was you get smaller,
[1968.3s] on even numbers, you get taller.
[1969.7s] So no way to get exactly as tall as you were.
[1975.3s] 78.
[1976.2s] This is very exciting.
[1977.4s] I like this random chance.
[1980.6s] It's very exciting.
[1981.8s] This is a story we're telling here.
[1983.4s] 78.
[1992.3s] So you're loading up.
[1993.5s] No, this is how this works.
[1995.0s] You're loading up.
[1997.1s] The two of you, Sully and Glim,
[2000.6s] you see Moot just casting Mage Hand
[2004.0s] all willy-nilly all over the place.
[2005.0s] He's still fucking confident.
[2007.5s] You know, you're loading boxes in,
[2010.2s] you kind of turn around,
[2012.3s] and then you hear just a pop.
[2015.4s] Then you hear the sound of a sheep.
[2019.8s] You turn around,
[2020.6s] and where you thought you saw Moot,
[2021.8s] you now see a sheep.
[2025.8s] Oh, no.
[2026.2s] Glim?
[2027.4s] Oh, no.
[2029.1s] Glim?
[2030.2s] Does he have his gear on?
[2031.6s] Like did it form to his body?
[2034.6s] No, he's a sheep.
[2035.5s] Everything gets sheeped into him.
[2037.4s] Okay, so it just absorbs kind of like wild shape.
[2041.0s] Oh, my God.
[2041.8s] Is that Moot?
[2043.2s] Oh, God.
[2045.3s] Moot.
[2047.2s] Sully has his barnyard animals mixed up.
[2051.2s] Moot, are you?
[2052.6s] Is that you?
[2055.4s] I think he's trying to say Moot.
[2058.4s] Can you nod if it's you?
[2062.2s] You have the intelligence of a sheep, I think.
[2067.4s] Which happened to be the most intelligent animal in the world.
[2069.7s] Target, hit points, as long as the creature is limited
[2075.0s] to do the actions it can perform by the nature of its new form,
[2077.7s] and it can't speak, cast spells,
[2079.8s] or take any other action that requires hand or speech.
[2083.5s] I have some dried fruit.
[2085.3s] In my bag, and I bring it out, and I feed it to Moot.
[2090.6s] Oh, I kind of like him like this.
[2093.2s] Well, it's not going to help us load the rest of the caravan,
[2095.4s] but he is very soft.
[2098.6s] Do you think he's going to wander away?
[2101.7s] I don't know.
[2102.8s] I don't know how sheepy he is,
[2104.5s] and I'm trying to look in his eyes.
[2106.6s] There's nothing there.
[2107.3s] It's like he's got those weird sheep eyes.
[2109.0s] Nothing going on behind their eyes.
[2110.8s] Roll insight or animal handling or something.
[2114.6s] So Moot, your statistics, including mental ability scores,
[2118.8s] are replaced by the chosen beast.
[2120.7s] 15.
[2121.9s] Perfect.
[2122.2s] You retain your alignment and personality, however.
[2124.6s] So use that as you will.
[2126.2s] So if you had thumbs, you'd be writing shit down right now.
[2131.0s] You're not an evil sheep, I guess.
[2133.6s] 15.
[2133.9s] 18.
[2134.6s] 15 and 18.
[2136.3s] And we're rolling for?
[2138.3s] Animal handling?
[2139.4s] Animal handling.
[2141.0s] You spend some time with this sheep,
[2143.5s] um, and Estrid comes over and says,
[2147.0s] where did your friend go?
[2150.0s] Uh, we looked down at sheep Moot.
[2154.1s] By this point, like, you're sure,
[2158.7s] but you're not sure.
[2159.8s] Like, there's still question.
[2161.4s] Like, the fact that he's just gone
[2163.8s] and you know that some weird shit can happen with him,
[2166.4s] you're pretty sure that this is probably Moot.
[2169.5s] I think he accidentally turned himself into a sheep.
[2175.1s] Well, how long is he going to be a sheep for?
[2178.8s] Well, hopefully not long.
[2182.8s] But if I'm being totally honest, I really don't.
[2185.0s] Well, because I mean, he did make himself
[2186.7s] shorter that one time and I think he was,
[2189.0s] he's short or forever.
[2190.6s] So I might be paying a sheep to guard.
[2192.9s] Oh, no, you do not have to pay him.
[2195.3s] As long as he's a sheep, you don't have to.
[2197.8s] Although, if he does help in a battle as a sheep,
[2201.6s] he does deserve the two gold.
[2204.5s] Right.
[2204.9s] But otherwise, no charge for the sheep.
[2209.7s] And also, sorry, I know this seems really
[2212.4s] unprofessional.
[2214.3s] Okay, well, maybe load your sheep friend
[2221.9s] into the wagon, unless you want
[2224.6s] your new sheep friend to hold the wagon.
[2227.4s] Oh, my God, can I ride him?
[2229.4s] Glenn, please, can I ride him?
[2232.2s] I don't.
[2234.5s] Sheep are big.
[2237.4s] Sully's a halfling.
[2239.1s] I rode a goat one time.
[2241.7s] I mean, I guess.
[2244.2s] Come on, I rode that goat that one time.
[2246.0s] I guess ask and then and then it doesn't seem,
[2249.9s] I mean, just be nice about it.
[2252.2s] Oh, no, totally.
[2253.2s] Absolutely.
[2254.1s] And I give him some more dried fruit.
[2257.4s] I guess if Luke the sheep lets you ride him,
[2260.9s] then you can ride move the sheep, right?
[2263.5s] Yeah, okay.
[2266.3s] I hop on his back.
[2269.8s] What happens?
[2272.7s] Just kind of lazily stroll forward.
[2277.3s] Oh, he's let me do it.
[2278.6s] Oh, this is great.
[2280.6s] I'm so jealous.
[2282.0s] I'm scratching you behind the ears.
[2283.6s] I'm trying to be a good ride along companion.
[2288.8s] Go for a ride along.
[2291.3s] You hear Estrid call out.
[2292.6s] She's like, all right, we're all loaded up.
[2294.1s] Everybody on board.
[2296.0s] All right, get a dog, little longie.
[2299.8s] You get out of the city in a ways about an hour
[2303.8s] from when you previously had seen Moot
[2307.1s] and beneath you, you hear the same
[2310.8s] and below you is Moot on all fours.
[2316.0s] Oh, hey there.
[2316.9s] Hey there, buddy.
[2318.5s] Hey, Sully.
[2320.2s] You can get off me now.
[2321.3s] Okay, dismounting.
[2323.0s] And I clamp her off of you and I help you up.
[2327.3s] Thanks, you took me a long ways.
[2330.6s] You must be real tired.
[2331.8s] It's hard to keep track of time when you're a sheep.
[2334.2s] How long were we going for?
[2336.2s] An hour or so.
[2338.6s] Oh, wow.
[2339.2s] All right.
[2340.8s] Did you have fun at least?
[2342.9s] One of the best days of my life, man.
[2345.3s] The dried fruit was really tasty.
[2346.8s] So I appreciate that.
[2348.7s] We were a little worried it would be like the shorter thing
[2353.6s] and you might be a sheep forever.
[2356.2s] I would have kept you though
[2357.3s] and taken real good care of you.
[2359.7s] I just want you to know that.
[2360.5s] Of course we would have.
[2362.1s] Oh, you guys are so sweet.
[2365.4s] But yeah, I didn't know if I would not be a sheep
[2369.4s] in the future.
[2370.2s] And probably when you were a sheep,
[2371.9s] you didn't even care if you were a sheep.
[2374.5s] You were probably happy to be a sheep.
[2376.1s] I was really just all about that dried fruit.
[2379.4s] I feel like we should tell Estrid that you're back.
[2383.6s] Fully functioning, bipedal.
[2386.1s] And ready to be paid.
[2387.0s] Ready for action.
[2388.7s] Perfect.
[2390.4s] Wait, was I not getting paid as a sheep?
[2392.2s] Well, no, we didn't think it was very fair.
[2394.2s] No, because you weren't contributing a lot.
[2396.2s] But I gave Sully a ride.
[2398.4s] I gave you dried fruit, man.
[2399.6s] It seemed like a fair trade.
[2401.8s] You know what?
[2402.3s] Fair point.
[2404.0s] You head up to the front of the caravan
[2406.4s] where Estrid is seated atop.
[2411.5s] I'm assuming you're going slowly
[2413.0s] so you can just kind of jog up to the front there.
[2415.7s] I know how caravans work.
[2417.9s] Well, they're probably not speeding along at Brinkneck.
[2420.8s] Yeah, it does seem like you'd want to save the horses.
[2423.8s] Yeah, that's probably true.
[2424.7s] Go at a reasonable pace.
[2426.1s] Sure.
[2426.9s] She looks down and says, oh, your friend's back.
[2430.9s] Hey, Estrid.
[2432.5s] Does that happen a lot, where you just start there
[2435.3s] and then you're a sheep?
[2437.8s] First time for that one.
[2442.1s] Cool.
[2444.2s] Didn't put that one on the old resume, did you?
[2447.3s] I said it hadn't happened before.
[2449.3s] Didn't know it was a thing.
[2450.3s] Well, now you know.
[2454.2s] We'll see how it goes.
[2455.5s] All right.
[2457.4s] Just keep a watch out.
[2461.1s] Don't turn into a sheep again.
[2463.0s] I'll let you know if I do.
[2464.5s] Cool.
[2465.4s] All right.
[2466.7s] Interesting bunch.
[2468.5s] Interesting bunch.
[2470.6s] You travel for a better part of a day and night.
[2475.3s] And on the second day, you're passing by the road.
[2480.2s] The road comes back to a bend in a river
[2482.9s] and you're passing by.
[2485.1s] Everybody's stopping.
[2486.5s] Everybody stops and fills up their water skins
[2489.4s] and carries back along the way.
[2492.9s] And as you get back and further away from the river,
[2499.0s] you see up ahead of you a group of people
[2503.1s] in a caravan as well slowly coming down the road,
[2509.8s] not really moving to either side to allow passage
[2515.1s] as they get closer to you.
[2517.6s] They're out of earshot currently,
[2520.1s] but normally anybody else you pass gives way for each other.
[2528.4s] You do the polite thing where you hug the shoulder a little bit,
[2531.3s] they hug the shoulder a little bit.
[2534.1s] And as you get close enough to see faces on them,
[2538.2s] you see them nodding to each other
[2542.2s] and nodding up to your group there.
[2544.6s] And everybody make an insight check.
[2551.8s] Eight.
[2555.7s] Fifteen.
[2558.4s] Eleven.
[2560.7s] Moot and Glim, you are the first to kind of notice
[2565.7s] a bit of vague hostility among the group
[2571.3s] and in their gestures towards your group.
[2574.6s] Estrid calls down says, anything wrong up there?
[2582.5s] Nothing yet, but you know, just play it by ear.
[2586.5s] Do you recognize them?
[2587.5s] They seem, they don't seem to like us.
[2592.8s] Well, no, I don't recognize any of them from a distance.
[2597.8s] Let's kind of just scoot off to the side here
[2600.2s] and see what happens, I guess.
[2604.6s] Just be prepared, you might be earning double the wage today
[2607.5s] if it goes sideways.
[2611.3s] They move their caravan over
[2613.1s] and proceed cautiously towards the group ahead of you.
[2617.2s] What are the three of you doing?
[2623.3s] I've got my, what is it?
[2630.7s] I've got my, I'm walking with what looks like my hands
[2635.9s] in my pockets, but I've got my daggers.
[2639.5s] I'm gripping the handles and I'm just like
[2643.8s] ready for action.
[2645.4s] It's been a while since Sully's had a good brawl, so.
[2648.1s] Okay, readied weapons, okay.
[2650.9s] Yeah, I don't think like, so I would have my war pick
[2653.8s] probably strapped to my back
[2655.2s] and I'm not going to take it off my back
[2657.6s] because that seems aggressive.
[2659.0s] Sure, yeah.
[2660.1s] But I am ready if I need to be.
[2665.4s] Okay.
[2666.7s] Yeah.
[2667.8s] Yeah, and Moot's got his feather necklace in his fist.
[2673.0s] Just, you know, being ready in case anything happens.
[2676.8s] Perfect.
[2678.2s] The closer you get, you get within shouting distance
[2683.4s] and they still make no call to you.
[2688.2s] They do veer more towards your line of path, though.
[2693.3s] So rude.
[2695.0s] Really?
[2695.4s] Rude.
[2696.1s] Are we supposed to wait for Estrid to talk to them
[2704.2s] since she's the caravan leader?
[2706.9s] She's kind of calling and motioning
[2708.8s] for her caravan to slow down.
[2710.8s] She says, uh, come on back here, you three.
[2722.3s] You want to earn double or should we just go talk to them,
[2726.2s] talk them down here?
[2727.3s] Because they seem like they want something.
[2731.8s] Well, we could talk to them first to see.
[2737.1s] Maybe they just all had a bad sleep or something.
[2739.2s] That's right.
[2739.8s] Let's use some diplomatics.
[2741.5s] All right.
[2743.5s] The three of you want to take that or you need hand coming down there
[2747.0s] because I can certainly come talk to them.
[2750.7s] Well, we can give it a try, right guys?
[2753.8s] Oh, absolutely.
[2755.9s] Maybe they need to hear about Bahamut.
[2758.8s] Oh, that is a great idea, Moot.
[2763.8s] Nothing picks me up.
[2765.9s] Like the story of Bahamut.
[2767.9s] Chatting about the bee man.
[2769.7s] You are so right.
[2771.0s] And I start just like striding very purposefully towards them.
[2774.1s] Hello.
[2775.8s] Hello.
[2776.6s] It is so great to see you.
[2778.3s] I have great news to share with you.
[2781.6s] You see two men seated up in the front there.
[2787.0s] There's a couple down off to either side of this wagon
[2790.6s] that's coming close to you.
[2792.2s] You see one of them in the front,
[2794.7s] move his hand back in between the curtains of the wagon
[2798.9s] and he says, what you folks carrying?
[2802.7s] Oh, just, you know, spices and casks and just normal caravan stuff.
[2809.8s] What are you folks carrying?
[2812.6s] Well, we just got off a job actually and just looking for our next one.
[2818.7s] Oh, I thought it might be casks of grumpy juice
[2821.8s] because they all seem a little bit out of sorts.
[2826.3s] Yeah, that's just my face.
[2828.5s] And a handsome face it is, my friend.
[2832.2s] You know, a little ways back there,
[2834.2s] there was someone who's traveling in this same direction.
[2837.9s] Victor, I think.
[2841.0s] Anyways, you might want to hit him up.
[2844.6s] He was looking for some extra people.
[2847.2s] Great, great.
[2848.0s] You guys are headed to, at the very least,
[2851.4s] Scornuble if you're headed this way, no?
[2854.8s] I think that was, yeah, on the list.
[2859.0s] Right.
[2860.6s] I'm sorry, what's your name?
[2863.0s] Leonard.
[2863.9s] You're headed to El Tirol.
[2865.9s] Well, we were headed back that way,
[2867.5s] but well, I mean, if Victor's coming,
[2872.7s] you find folks look like you have a job
[2874.8s] that needs possible handing off.
[2876.8s] We might just have found our next job.
[2880.9s] Well, before we get to that,
[2882.2s] can I tell you about a really great guy named Bahamut?
[2885.6s] No, we don't want to hear about Bahamut.
[2887.7s] I have some pamphlets.
[2888.9s] Do you, I could teach,
[2890.3s] or if you're more interested in sort of like
[2892.2s] getting in touch with the Lord in a more physical way,
[2894.6s] I could put on a little quick Zumba class for you guys,
[2897.5s] or there's a lot of ways.
[2899.1s] We do a daily Zumba class on this caravan.
[2901.0s] Oh, you have not lived until you've Zumba'd
[2904.6s] to the teachings of Bahamut.
[2906.7s] Two crossbow bolts shoot out from inside the wagon.
[2912.4s] One narrowly misses you, Glim,
[2915.0s] the other flies back and towards the caravan
[2918.4s] and sticks in the wood right near where Estrid is.
[2925.0s] Why'd you go and fucking do that?
[2926.9s] Oh, well, they're a bad shot,
[2930.3s] but get in closer and we might have a better chance.
[2935.4s] Oh, I'll get in closer.
[2937.2s] I want to stab him.
[2938.8s] So that's a no on the Bahamut then.
[2941.7s] I'll get you guys later.
[2943.0s] You're going to want to hear about it
[2944.2s] before you go meet him.
[2946.6s] Jesus, do people meet Bahamut when they die?
[2949.9s] Maybe.
[2950.3s] In Glim's world, probably.
[2951.4s] Yeah.
[2951.9s] Seemed threatening.
[2953.6s] I liked it.
[2954.7s] The fabric covering the wagon peels back.
[2957.9s] There are two men with crossbows inside,
[2960.9s] the two men down on the ground,
[2962.9s] brandish pull longswords out from the wagon itself
[2968.2s] and the two sitting up front draw daggers.
[2971.1s] Roll for initiative.
[2972.8s] Oh, fuck yeah.
[2974.8s] So there are six of them.
[2976.6s] Oh my God, I'm plus five initiative.
[2978.5s] I love Silly so much.
[2979.9s] 18.
[2983.0s] Watch, Carla's going to be like 27.
[2985.1s] I got 20.
[2986.2s] I'm sorry.
[2990.8s] I don't have a good plus on this character.
[2992.6s] Just a good roll.
[2993.9s] 14 for Mut.
[2995.9s] Glim, you're up first.
[2998.2s] Okay.
[2999.7s] Have I ever fought as this character?
[3001.8s] Maybe.
[3002.7s] Yeah, you have.
[3003.4s] There was a duel versus circumference.
[3006.2s] Gross mud bats.
[3008.4s] Oh yeah, the mud bats.
[3011.0s] So I am going to pull.
[3013.4s] How far away are they?
[3015.7s] I guess we walked up a speaking distance.
[3017.6s] Yeah, and they were still moving towards you.
[3019.9s] So you were definitely within any sort of range
[3022.7s] to reach any number of them.
[3025.8s] You know, why not start with a bang?
[3028.9s] And by a bang, I mean a stream of fire.
[3032.5s] Perfect.
[3033.5s] This is fun.
[3034.7s] I feel like I've never even used my breath weapon.
[3037.5s] Maybe I have.
[3040.2s] So I am going to, yes, release my breath weapon,
[3043.8s] which is fire.
[3045.0s] So it's a five by 30 foot line.
[3047.4s] So I'm going to aim that at the caravan
[3049.5s] because I'd like to set the caravan on fire
[3051.8s] because fuck these people.
[3052.8s] Don't want to hear about Bahamut.
[3054.1s] Yeah.
[3054.5s] So kind of direction of the two in front,
[3056.7s] who you were talking to.
[3058.7s] Yeah.
[3059.1s] Hitting the caravan.
[3061.8s] So Dex saving throw.
[3064.6s] 12 and an 11.
[3069.8s] So 11 does not beat, 12 does beat,
[3074.9s] but they still will get half damage.
[3078.1s] Also the two in the caravan with the crossbows
[3080.9s] would probably be in that as well.
[3082.2s] That's a 13 and a 10.
[3084.4s] Okay.
[3084.7s] So the 10 also fails.
[3086.6s] So full damage is seven.
[3090.2s] So two of them get seven damage
[3091.7s] and then the other two get three, I guess, or four.
[3094.3s] I don't know how we.
[3095.4s] Perfect.
[3096.9s] And then I also pull my war pick.
[3101.6s] So I am ready.
[3103.5s] As your breath, we're going to say that it goes
[3109.4s] almost the full 30 feet right up this path
[3113.1s] and explodes into the caravan.
[3116.2s] They jump out, the four of them that are in the caravan,
[3119.5s] jump out and down to the ground,
[3121.6s] letting out screams as they're patting out fire
[3124.6s] on their clothes.
[3125.4s] The caravan, the wagon itself is set ablaze.
[3130.6s] And if that's all, then it's Sully's turn.
[3133.3s] Yay.
[3134.4s] Sully sees Glim just fucking and he looks down at his daggers
[3142.4s] and he's like, sheaths them and then from his pack
[3147.8s] pulls out the scroll and is like, hold on a second
[3157.7s] and then starts to.
[3160.0s] Do I have to make up what the scroll says?
[3163.6s] And just, just, and he starts to mumble the words on the scroll
[3168.2s] and then takes the little vile that's attached to it
[3170.6s] with a little bobble because it's from baubles and such
[3175.0s] and like squeezes a little bit out and casts.
[3180.2s] He has no idea, but he casts vitriolic sphere.
[3184.2s] So how does this spell describe itself?
[3186.6s] So it says it has one charge.
[3190.2s] Um, one action rages 150 feet.
[3194.7s] It's instantaneous.
[3196.2s] I point at the location within range.
[3198.1s] So I point in the center of.
[3200.6s] It would have had some sort of somatic, you know,
[3202.7s] do this at this point.
[3204.7s] Probably a finger, but it's a point.
[3207.9s] So I point as I mumble and a glowing one football
[3212.2s] of emerald acid streaks there and explodes
[3215.3s] in a 20 foot radius.
[3217.5s] Okay.
[3217.9s] Each creature in that area must make a dexterity saving throw.
[3222.0s] I mean, that's everybody.
[3224.2s] I'm glad I went first.
[3225.4s] Cause this is way cooler than my higher breath
[3228.1s] that I thought was so great.
[3229.5s] Um, fire and it has no ideas.
[3232.2s] 1215, 1018 and 1019.
[3237.7s] So like half save half don't.
[3239.8s] Okay.
[3241.0s] So on a failed save, the creature takes 10 D4 acid damage
[3245.8s] and five D4 acid damage at the end of its next turn.
[3249.8s] But on a successful save, the creature takes half
[3252.2s] the initial damage and no damage.
[3255.0s] So I've got two, four, six.
[3259.9s] So many D4.
[3261.6s] Eight, and then I'll roll two more.
[3266.1s] Yep.
[3266.6s] Roll away.
[3268.2s] Know what I like about this?
[3270.2s] If you were really in this situation
[3271.9s] and you had this very powerful weapon,
[3273.8s] you would totally.
[3274.8s] Sure.
[3275.3s] Sure.
[3275.8s] Why not?
[3276.5s] When else are you going to use it?
[3277.5s] You're not.
[3278.3s] Exactly.
[3279.5s] Yeah.
[3280.0s] You're not waiting for a bigger fight later on.
[3282.5s] This is a fight that's happening right now.
[3284.2s] And it's a big fight.
[3285.4s] When you've got a vitriolic sphere, everything looks like.
[3289.8s] 27.
[3290.6s] Target?
[3292.2s] That's full damage.
[3293.5s] Yeah.
[3294.4s] Okay.
[3295.5s] Um, so.
[3296.6s] And so he has no clue.
[3298.7s] He's just, he stole it.
[3300.2s] Finger points.
[3302.2s] Emerald Sphere shoots out from his hand as he's busy like trying to read this
[3310.6s] as he's like pointing, not really paying attention.
[3314.3s] Hits the caravan wagon and explodes.
[3318.0s] And you see acid shoot up and out.
[3322.1s] Fortunately, none of your friends had rushed over there yet.
[3326.7s] And strike each of the six men.
[3331.4s] Three of them, well, all of them let out cries of pain as you see their skin
[3337.0s] begin to bubble and their clothes begin to melt away.
[3342.2s] Three of them, from your point of view, at the very least go unconscious,
[3348.6s] if not die in front of you.
[3351.4s] The other three, like are trying to peel it off of them,
[3355.0s] trying to wipe off this acid as they run into the fields beside and away from you.
[3362.1s] Sully looks at the scroll, looks at his finger,
[3370.0s] rolls the scroll back up slowly and puts it in his bag and then whistles the
[3380.6s] down in the west bay room town of El Toro.
[3384.9s] And Moot, who had taken like two steps towards their caravan,
[3388.8s] just like stops cold and turns around real slow.
[3391.7s] Like, I think everyone stops and turns around and looks real slow.
[3397.9s] You look back and you see Estrid and she's reaching into her pocket
[3401.5s] and just starts counting out gold bill.
[3406.4s] Don't know if I'm going to have enough for that one,
[3408.6s] but we'll see when we get there.
[3410.1s] OK, everybody.
[3448.8s] The intro and extra music long road ahead is by Kavin McLeod of the Competech.Filmmusic.io.
[3458.8s] All other music, sound effects and ambience can be found at EpidemicSound.com.
[3464.2s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers Christian Brown,
[3467.6s] Creighton's Raven, Devin Michaels, Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden,
[3471.5s] Joshua Dixon, Cat Waterflame, and Skull King 20.
[3475.4s] To become a patron, visit Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast,
[3478.9s] where you get exclusive content, including an entire exclusive campaign,
[3483.2s] Dumbgeons downtime episodes, early access to our new show Facing Fate,
[3487.5s] as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
[3492.0s] Visit Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast to check it out today.
[3496.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.